Problems With Premature Ejaculation
It's possible that your husband's rapid ejaculation has gotten him so down that he's withdrawing from sex. If so, that can be easily remedied. Quite often, when a man gains good ejaculatory control, he suddenly becomes much more interested in sex. And even if he doesn't, it might be nicer for both of you if he lasted longer.
Faced with involuntary ejaculation, most men try to distract themselves during intercourse, believing that by thinking about other things, they can trick themselves into lasting longer. Usually, that only makes things worse.
Don't tune out your body. TUNE INTO IT. You need to become more familiar with your different levels of sexual arousal. You also need to recognize how you feel as you approach your point of ejaculatory inevitability, the "point of no return." Once you recognize how you feel close to your point of no return, it's not difficult to make small sexual adjustments that allow you to remain highly aroused without ejaculating.
Sexual arousal is a four-phase process. In the Excitement Phase, breathing deepens and erection begins. In the Plateau Stage, erection becomes full and you feel highly aroused. When arousal builds to a certain point, the next phase occurs, Orgasm with Ejaculation. Then during the Resolution Phase, breathing returns to normal and erection subsides. The key to ejaculatory control is to extend the Plateau Phase, to maintain arousal without triggering Orgasm and Ejaculation.
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Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation (PE) is the most common sexual dysfunction in men younger than 40 years. Most professionals who treat premature ejaculation define this condition as the occurrence of ejaculation prior to the wishes of both sexual partners. This broad definition thus avoids specifying a precise duration for sexual relations and reaching a climax, which is variable and depends on many factors specific to the individuals engaging in intimate relations. An occasional instance of premature ejaculation might not be cause for concern, but, if the problem occurs with more than 50% of attempted sexual relations, a dysfunctional pattern usually exists for which treatment may be appropriate.
To clarify, a male may reach climax after 8 minutes of sexual intercourse, but this is not premature ejaculation if his partner regularly climaxes in 5 minutes and both are satisfied with the timing. Another male might delay his ejaculation for a maximum of 20 minutes, yet he may consider this premature if his partner, even with foreplay, requires 35 minutes of stimulation before reaching climax. If intercourse is the method of sexual stimulation for the second example and the male climaxes after 20 minutes of intercourse and then loses his erection, satisfying his partner (at least with intercourse), who needs 35 minutes to climax, is impossible.
Because many females are unable to reach climax at all with vaginal intercourse (no matter how prolonged), this situation may actually represent delayed orgasm for the female partner rather than premature ejaculation for the male; the problem can be either or both, depending on the point of view. This highlights the importance of obtaining a thorough sexual history from the patient (and preferably from the couple).
The human sexual response can be divided into 3 phases: desire (libido), excitement (arousal), and orgasm. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) classifies sexual disorders into 4 categories: (1) primary, (2) general medical condition–related, (3) substance-induced, and (4) not otherwise specified. Each of the 4 DSM-IV categories has disorders in all 3 sexual phases.
Premature ejaculation may be primary or secondary. Primary applies to individuals who have had the condition since they became capable of functioning sexually (ie, postpuberty). Secondary indicates that the condition began in an individual who previously experienced an acceptable level of ejaculatory control, and, for unknown reasons, he began experiencing premature ejaculation later in life. With secondary premature ejaculation, the problem does not relate to a general medical disorder, and it is usually not related to substance inducement, although, rarely, hyperexcitability might relate to a psychotropic drug and resolves when the drug is withdrawn. Premature ejaculation fits best into the category of not otherwise specified because no one really knows what causes it, although psychological factors are suggested in most cases.
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